HUMOROUS JOKES

ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY" > > > >So what ? Who's in a hurry ? > > > > > > > >

Money is not everything. > > > >There's MasterCard & Visa. >> One should love animals. > > > >They are so tasty.

Save water. Shower with your friend. > > > > > >

Love the neighbour. But don't get caught. > > > > > > >

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every > > > >unsuccessful man, there are two. > > > >

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in > > life. > > > > > >

Wise never marry. and when they marry they become otherwise

. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. > > > > > Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. >

Love is photogenic It needs darkness to develop > > >

A good discussion is like a miniskirt Short enough to pertain interest > > and long enough to cover the subject > > >

Children in backseats cause accidents Accidents in backseats cause > > children > > > >

"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep > > > > > > There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every > morning > > > >

"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk ! (I don't want > to be an exception!) > > >"Work fascinates me"

I can look at it for hours ! > > > > > > > >God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. > > > > > > > >When two's company, three's the result ! > > >

A dress is like a barbed fence It protects the premises without > > restricting the view > > > > > > > >

The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you > > > >forget The more you forget, the less you know So.. why learn.

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A Desi chap's proposal to a foreign girl

A Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty foreign girl, whom he wanted. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her. HE WROTE Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much mediation. I have a strong indication to become your relation. As to my educational qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my matriculation examination; no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation. What do you say to the solemnisation of our marriage celebration according to the glorification of modern civilisation and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation. On your approbation of the application, I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint dissimilation. Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion, To remain victim of your fascination.

SHE WROTE Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination, Congratulation for your lengthy narration of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation for a combination which on examination I find is a fine presentation of your ambition. You have passed your matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after a long botheration, so improve situation in education and make an application by acquisition of post graduation and minimum qualification for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation undergo beautification. Further strict observation of the following conditions is the regulation for the determination of our relation. 1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection. 2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any fascination and, 3. Procreation must not be your recreation. In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation. I Remain, Unaffected by your affection.

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Coloured People

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and >noticed >> that he was the only black man there. >> >> > > > > As he sat down, he noticed a white man >behind him. >> >> > > > > The white man said, "Colored people are >not allowed here... >> >> > > > > " The black man turned around and stood >up. >> >> > > > > He then said, "When I was born I was >black," >> >> > > > > "When I grew up I was black," >> >> > > > > "When I'm sick I'm black," >> >> > > > > "When I go in the sun I'm black," >> >> > > > > "When I'm cold I'm black," >> >> > > > > "When I die I'll be black." >> >> > > > > "But you sir..." >> >> > > > > "When you're born you're pink," >> >> > > > > "When you grow up you're white," >> >> > > > > "When you're sick, you're green," >> >> > > > > "When you go in the sun you turn red," >> >> > > > > "When you're cold you turn blue," >> >> > > > > "And when you die you turn purple." >> >> > > > > "And you have the nerve to call me >colored!!!" >> >> > > > > The black man then sat back down and the >white man walked away... >> >> > > > > >> >> > > > > Pass this on and help erase racism! >

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WE SHOULD THINK AGAIN BEFORE WE GET MARRIED

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 years - I don't like to interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

First Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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